A. No, not really. Last week, I got a great e-mail from a UNLV Prelaw student. We'll call him Student X. This student asked me for advise on his personal statement. In it, Student X outlined the story that he planned to tell. He'd watched the relevant UNLV Prelaw Podcast episode, obviously, and he'd decided to talk about how a major senior project changed his outlook on work, time management, etc. It's a good premise. The problem wasn't really the content, though. The problem was the presentation. He explained the effect of the project in this way:
But then I had an epiphany and found more purpose in it as an ordeal that would bring me a plethora of knowledge, enhance my skill in analysis and logical design, and increase my character through diligence, optimism, and self-confidence.My first reaction to this epiphany? Yeah, right! Here's the advice I gave him:
The story is not believable. That doesn't mean that it didn't happen that way, but it's just tough to believe that this particular train of thought actually occurred during this epiphany. I have a couple of suggestions about how to communicate this more convincingly.
First, what was the cause of this epiphany? What was the breaking point or the last straw for you here? Did you maybe think well, if I don't do this, I'm not going to graduate? Or, everyone else seems to be able to do this? Why am I having such a hard time? Or maybe you had a breakthrough on the project, where something finally clicked and you realized that this was actually FUN? Maybe you saw something that helped you to realize that what you were working on might actually be useful? Whatever it is, explain it. Otherwise, it looks like a random lightning strike.
Second, how did you REALLY start to realize that you'd gain all of these big, broad, overly-general benefits from the project? What was your reaction to this epiphany, REALLY? I can almost guarantee that all of the realizations from your sentence didn't come all at the same time! After whatever the original epiphany was, you probably came to realize these other things along the way. Don't just say that you realized these things. Explain it.
For example, one of the things you mention is that you realized that this ordeal would bring you an increase in your self-confidence. How do you know that? How did you experience that? Perhaps you went to speak to your professor the next day (or week...) or you spoke with classmates, or your parents, and were discussing your project with them. You might then have been aware that your posture changed, and that you felt proud of what you were working on. Maybe you stopped apologizing for yourself, or you stopped complaining, and you started to notice some actual excitement in your voice. Don't just list all of these things. Show me!
I asked Student X for permission to use this dialogue in this blog because it illustrates a very important point. The personal statement is your opportunity to show the admissions team what you are like as a person. You get to share a slice of your personality, your struggle, your sensibilities, etc. At the same time, this is the one opportunity that you have to show your writing prowess.
It's this latter fact that throws many students off. Because most undergraduate students aren't that familiar with the "legalese" that lawyers speak, there is a tendency to feel pressured to write a personal statement that uses as many long words as possible. In my opinion, this is a mistake. The admissions folks know that any yahoo with an internet connection can access a web thesaurus. Honestly, the overuse of big words and tired cliches elicit eyerolls from admissions folks.
This doesn't mean that you should "dumb it down." You want to show your facility with language, not just with words. Tossing some SAT vocab into your personal statement doesn't demonstrate your prowess with the English language. Instead, you want to use language to paint an honest, convincing picture of the slice of your life you've chosen to share with the admissions folks. Use big words only when they are the most efficient way to express yourself. Don't use them just to use them. You want to show them why this personal statement is relevant.
For Student X, I might have suggested something like this:
As my friend left for dinner without me, I sat and stared at my project. After another day's worth of work, I still had not made any real progress. What am I doing? I felt my face flush, and a wave of fear washed over me. What if I don't finish this? What if I fail the most important assignment of my university career?
I paced around the room for a while, and then I considered the question again. Suddenly, I realized something important. This is the point! I thought about the complexity of the project, the short time frame to complete it, and the small pieces I'd already completed. I realized that it was supposed to be this hard--this frustrating. This wasn't useless, boring homework. This wasn't a plot to suck the fun out of my last year of college. This was my chance to learn how hard it is to create something from scratch.
So, what's the difference? In my story, I'm trying to show the committee what actually happened to get me to appreciate the project. The original version, while laden with long, complicated words, actually oversimplified the story. Of course, your story won't sound like this. I've used my voice here, and my voice is different from your voice. The key, though, is to walk the reader through the story.
-UNLV Prelaw
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